Frequently asked questions
answered by Marie herself:
What do you do if the HR person is creating the gossip and rumors?
That depends on if you’re the HR person’s boss or if you are their co-worker. If you’re their boss, you can have a very serious talk with that HR person about how they can’t do that as an HR person, and if they continue, they will lose that role. If you’re not the HR person’s boss, you might ask someone you trust who is close to the HR person to have a conversation with the HR person. If several people have complaints, you set up a meeting with the group and that person’s manager. Voice your concerns together.
How do you handle a drama king/queen if you are a co-worker, not a manager, and your manager is largely absent due to travel?
Try not to “feed the need” by listening and talking to this person because they are being satisfied by someone entertaining their drama. You’ll need to find a way to excuse yourself from those conversations. Often the best way to do that is to rely on work. You can say to someone, “I hate to interrupt but I have really got to get back to my desk,” or “I really have to focus on a specific project.” If the situation is very extreme, you can have a direct conversation about addressing how the personal conversations are taking away from your work and you are making it a habit not to engage, so you’re setting the stage for the next time it happens.
My problem is not with people talking too much, but with two employees who don’t talk at all. When they have to communicate, they either leave notes when the other person is away from their desk or they send messages through other people. Do you have any suggestions for a situation like this?
You need to set a clear expectation with them that this is not acceptable behavior. People are not allowed to engage in that kind of behavior at work. One strategy I found works in that type of situation is a method called “Together, Separate and Together.”
- Get the two together and say, “It has come to my attention that the two of you don’t seem to be talking to each other anymore. You all have worked together in the past with no issue. That cannot happen; it’s not acceptable to stop talking to a co-worker at work. You don’t have that option. So we are going to solve this, but since you’re not talking, I assume that you wouldn’t be willing to talk about the problem in here with me. So what I’m going to do is have a conversation with each of you individually and find out what’s going on. Then we are all going to talk and find out how we are going to resolve this.”
2. Meet with them separately to fin d out what’s going on.
3. Then bring them back together and report findings and use strategies to resolve the issue.
I have an employee who likes to take information directly to my boss. I can respect how he used to work for her, and they’ve always had a good relationship, but I feel that he should be bringing this information directly to me. What should I say to correct this?
In those situations I think the best thing to do is not to go to the employee, but go to the manager and just say, “I’ve noticed that John seems to take a lot of questions and concerns to you, and I think it’s great y’all had a really good relationship and I certainly don’t want that to stop, but some of these things I need to deal with directly as his current manager or I need him to bring that information to me. So I’d really appreciate it if, when he approaches you with questions, you could redirect him to me.” 80-90% of the time, the manager isn’t really thinking about it and will say, “Sure.” That usually solves that kind of problem.
I am a huge believer in coworkers as “family” and preach treating each other as such because of positive relationships. The drawback is that people are sensitive, and now it’s hard to correct behaviors because of getting too close to each other. The lines become blurred. How do I redraw the lines to get that back without hurting the relationships?
We don’t relate to people at work as we do people in our families. One thing that can happen is people get too involved in each other’s personal lives and business. Using a family analogy for a work environment is taking things a bit too far. To redraw the lines, first you should reset the situation and say, “I’ve always said I want us to be a family, and while I really do want us to be close and care about each other as co-workers, family may not have been the best analogy. We have gotten a little bit too involved in each other’s personal lives.” You may also want to add that everybody at work has to be friendly, helpful and cooperative. Definitely, starting off with a public conversation with the entire group to reset is a good start.
